4/11/5

You know what it is? I'm not insecure. I have a strong, independent personality. I have a grounded attitude on who I am and who I want to be. I waste very little energy on thinking about other people's opinions of me. But the world is full of insecure people, a whole generation of instant-gratification, styled and sensationalized, infotainment with no culture nobodies, who were raised by a generation of barrier-breaking, free-thinking, none of the old rules matter and I want it all, self-centered boomers.

With technology wiring everyone to everyone, the world has become one giant, homogenous, politically-correct place to impossibly carve out an identity in. We aren't grounded in old-country tradition and politics and religion, so many people don't have a magnetic north for their moral compass. With no guide posts forced onto us, we're supposed to be free to decide who we really are, but few people can figure that out on their own without spending a life-time experimenting with all kinds of things and in all kinds of ways.

But I had some grounding. Sure, I've assessed a lot of what was placed on me in childhood, and for everything I've abandoned and put out of my life, there's something I've firmed up and made my own. I've got really strong opinions on the world, and usually don't care who I piss off with them.

Therefore, I don't need to spend a lot of time throwing thoughts out into the ether for a giant random world. I don't need to be acknowledged and agreed with before I know I'm right. I don't need someone to tell me I'm attractive or intelligent or funny to feel good about myself.

I don't need a blog.

The concept is for people who aren't like me, who are insecure. It's still a fun idea, and whenever I feel like it I'll throw something in here. But I haven't really advertised it's existance on this site, and haven't really pushed the existance of this site outside of friends and musicians I'm in personal contact with. Sure, plenty of people around the world have discovered my little internet cul-de-sac, so perhaps someone out there finds me a good read. For anyone who's been reading this (and I honestly have no idea if a single person even has) this is another goodbye. I've pointed out my mediocre interest before, but I'm being much more explicit this time. I started this just a few months ago, and I already don't give much of a damn about it.

I still have in my possession, tucked away in a drawer somewhere, a journal I kept as a teen. It was a hundred blank pages I got as a Christmas gift from my sister, and I wrote in it so sporadically, it took me over five years to fill it. But the result is that it chronicles highlights of my adolescence from age ten-and-a-half to almost sixteen. Those years had a lot more going on that was life-changing and full of new experience than I currently have in my mid-thirties. This stuff is pretty dull. If I couldn't be bothered to write very regularily then, I certainly can't be now.

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